Hold Fast
by RaiMidori
Summary: The darkness like the irreversible flow of time. The regrets hold fast, like the push pull of eternity, and I just want to see you and I as who we are, for the last time. The mask shatters silently on the ground, for there is finally nothing left.
1. prologue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and this work is pure fiction.**_

_**Spoiler Margin: Chapter 108**_

_**Author's Note: Check the spoiler margin first. Anything you read below it is at your own discretion. **_

_**I had the sudden urge to write about DeathNote, as the ending of the manga is still fresh in my mind. I'm glad Fabrication got a lot more hits than I expected it to, though in reality, the quality is horrible! Hopefully the quality difference will be more evident in this one. This is a planned non-sequitur following the events of the theoretical destination after death, 'mu'. It follows the trials of deceased characters in the manga in their losses and speculations in the void of death. I have chosen to interpret the last scene of DeathNote as 'mu', and the setting will be based on that. If all goes well, this may become one of my main pieces.**_

_**Enjoy,**_

_**-RaiMidori**_

_**POV: Near **_

* * *

I haven't told anyone, not since the death of Light Yagami. I haven't told anyone my clandestine secrets- the fears that have lodged themselves on my heart, the losses that weigh down on my shoulders like the world on a god. 

These days, instead of calling me, 'Near', or even, 'Nate', my title is, 'L'. It's just like that winter touched day, proudly bearing my mask without a clue of what to expect behind it. I haven't taken a glance in a mirror ever since, afraid –secretly- of what I might see: someone else.

Kira has left the world, and it is slowly spiraling downwards, decaying. Gevanni and I know this, and sometimes, when it's just the two of us in the room, we let ourselves be afraid of what we've done.

'Humans are all equal in death.'

Even as those words escaped his mouth, the darkness had already started closing in, by the window, spiraling demons with mouths agape.

And, yes, I am afraid. I am afraid of that place _after _this one, afraid that I might have to throw this mask away and see myself for who I am.

I am afraid of the people I will meet there, and the people I won't.

And the Darkness of a world without Light.


	2. blame

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and this work is pure fiction.**_

_**Spoiler Margin: Chapter 99**_

_**Author's Note: Check the spoiler margin first. Anything you read below it is at your own discretion. **_

_**The spoiler margin is considerably lower at this point, however if you haven't read until the end of the series, there is still a high risk of a spoiler following through. That being said, the second chapter was written because I had raging emotions running through me at the time from the death of Matt and the relationship he shared with Mello. You may or may not interpret this as yaoi, as it works both ways. I was extremely touched by the scene in chapter 99 when Mello apologizes for Matt's death. The emotions driven in this one are based on it.**_

_**Enjoy,**_

_**-RaiMidori**_

_**POV: Matt **_

* * *

I know I'm not invincible, and I never have been. I'm only human, after all, and that is the reason why I have ended up _here, _the place that is anything but a place. I used to think that you were the darkest colour there was, Mello, but compared to this abyss, you are brighter than anything else I can see.

So it's not only you and I that matter, after all.

Who was it that I had sacrificed this life for, this light? To tell you the truth, I can't remember any of that. There is just this pressing darkness, like a clamp on my throat, and everything on and in my body feels like it's gone- the pain, the happiness, but that's not what I'm worried about.

I'm worrying about what I always worry about.

You. Because, like everything else, you are swallowed by the darkness, the quiet and I cannot see you. I am afraid that I will _never _see you, never again. It's the only thing I have ever been afraid of.

The string that connects me to your world is as long as the sky, but so weak I can barely feel it. It is the sound of your voice, and this is what you are saying:

"Matt, I didn't think they'd kill you… I'm so sorry… so sorry… so sorry…"

And the answer is running through my head like a creature running for its life, _I didn't think they'd kill me, either, but it's gone now, so don't be sorry. I don't want you to waste your sadness on me- we're supposed to be together, so don't apologize. I don't want you to take my hurt away, because you are you and this is _my_sadness._

I'm waiting for your answer even though nothing has escaped my lips, because there's another fragment floating in the pool of goodbyes, it sounds like you, because you were the only one that ever mattered, just you and me and nothing else. The world was never important. But there is this quiet here, a quiet without feeling, without _you, you, you. _Without the only thing I've ever needed.

I dived in after you, after _you, _with your flaxen hair and piercing gaze, a gun on my shoulder and ammo in my pocket, weighing down my steps after you.

I'll never blame you, because you are part of who I am _right now, _a brown-haired fool who ended up dying without a purpose, trying _so goddamn hard _to let you know how much you were enough. You didn't hear me.

If and when you come here, to this forsaken place, I'll be lucky if I can find you again, if I can meet you as who I am, not a dead body on the ground with bullet holes in its chest, blood leaking and staining the pavement like spilled paint on a canvas.

I am alone again, but it is what I am used to.

I just want to see you, be with you, have you at my side without any worries.

We have forever, after all.

For a moment, I am glad I cannot feel pain, because I am sure my heart, my body and my memories of you are all breaking under the pressure, the gravity of such a voice. It is the voice of me, alone, speaking to myself.

It is a voice that you cannot hear.


End file.
